原文标题：The Shy Person’s Guide to Winning Friends and Influencing People 作者：Michael Thompson
原文：forge.medium.com/ways-to-be-…
阅读时间：5-7分钟
难度：2 （5分制，5分为最难）
大部分的程序员都是偏内向性格的人。内向的人是不是一定在社交方面会吃亏？这篇文章的作者从自己的经历给出了一些很好的建议，希望无论你是内向或者外向的人，都能从他的建议中受益。
The Shy Person's Guide to Winning Friends and Influencing People
Act more confident. Push past your comfort zone. Stand like an alpha.
I grew up a shy introvert with a severe speech impediment, bombarded by such suggestions. Honestly, I’ve tried them all. I’ve also come to the conclusion that it’s a lot easier, and more effective, to be kind than to try to always act confident.
更自信地去行动。超越你的舒适区。像一个领袖一样。 我从小是一个有严重语言障碍的害羞的内向性格的人，无数次被这类建议轰炸。老实说，这些我都试过。最后我的结论是，比起假装自信，更简单和更有效的方法是做一个善良的人。
Over the past 18 years, I’ve worked in various “extrovert” sectors, such as sales and communication, and I’ve managed to consistently excel. I didn’t try to compete with the extroverts. I let them win at their game. Instead, I decided to invent my own — and went all-in on being as thoughtful as possible.
在过去的18年里，我在许多“外向型”的岗位工作，例如销售和沟通，而且我一直做得很棒。我没有去尝试和外向的人竞争。我让他们赢得他们擅长的比赛。而我发明了我自己擅长的比赛并全力以赴，那就是尽量让自己体贴和关心他人。
You may find some of the following suggestions basic, but that’s the point. If I’ve learned anything on my journey from being a shy, stuttering kid to a communication and relationship coach, it’s that doing the basics well leads to a job well done.
你也许会发现下面的一些建议太基础了，但这些正是关键。如果我这一路从一个害羞和口吃的孩子到一个人际关系和沟通的教练，从其中学到了什么东西，那就是把基础的东西做好就能把工作做好。
Show that you see the people around you
展现出你看到了周围的人
In his book “If I Could Tell You Just One Thing,” entrepreneur Richard Reed asked Bill Clinton what most contributed to his success.
“I’ve come to believe that one of the most important things is to see people,” Clinton said. “The person who opens the door for you, the person who pours your coffee. Acknowledge them. Show them respect. The traditional greeting of the Zulu people of South Africa is ‘Sawubona’. It means ‘I see you.’ I try and do that.”
在他的书“如果我只能告诉你一件事”中，企业家Richard Reed问比尔克林顿什么对他的成功贡献最大。 “我逐渐相信最重要的事情之一就是看到其他人”，克林顿说，“给你开门的人，给你倒咖啡的人。感谢他们，展现你对他们的尊重。南非的Zulu人的传统问候方式叫做Sawubona，意思是我看到你了。我也尝试这么做。”
Yes, Bill Clinton is one of the most recognizable people in the world and has a reputation for being charming and charismatic. But there’s no reason you can’t follow his lead and commit to acknowledging each person you come into contact with today.
是的，比尔克林顿是世界上最著名的人之一，而且以他的个人魅力出名。但是没有理由你不能追随他的建议，来问候每一个和你在今天相遇的人。
Heads down and phones out — most of us are oblivious to the world around us, including our fellow human beings. That’s why smiling, holding doors, and saying hello to strangers are such powerful gestures. Acknowledging people makes you stand out without having to show off — and, when done consistently, it will build your likability faster than you’d imagine.
低头，拿着手机，我们中的大部分人对周围的世界毫无感知，即使是对身边的同类。这正是为什么对陌生人微笑，为他们开门，或者一声问候，成为了如此有力的一种姿态。问候他人让你可以不用炫耀自己就脱颖而出，如果你能一直这么做，会让你以比你想象的更快地被人们喜欢。
Ace your second impression
做好你的第二印象
Every Tom, Dick, and Sally loves to say, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.”
Sure. But a lot has changed since that cliché came into common parlance. For one thing, the opportunity to continue our conversations is now literally a click away.
每个人都喜欢说，“你只有一次机会给人一个第一印象”。没错。不过自从这句未经证实的话变成了一个常识以来，很多事情已经发生了变化。举个例子，继续一段对话在现在只需要一次点击而已。
Countless times, I’ve met someone in passing who I didn’t click with right away, only to hear from them days or weeks later with a kind gesture of some sort. Sometimes they’ll reach out with a networking opportunity, other times maybe a book or artist recommendation based on our conversation.
These interactions have taught me a valuable lesson: It’s hard to dislike someone thoughtful enough to take time out of their day to make an effort.
无数次，我碰见过某个并不是立刻产生好感的人，但在几天或几周后却收到他们某种问候。有时候是他们希望联系的机会，其他时候也许是基于我们的对话向我推荐某本书或者某位艺术家。 这些互动教了我珍贵的一课：你很难不喜欢一个用他们自己的时间来做出一份努力的人。
Some people make easy initial connections with others. If you don’t, and need a little more time to show yourself, take it. If you meet someone you want to connect with, use that time to think about how you can help them or make their life brighter, even in a small way. Keep a tally of what’s happening in other people’s lives
有些人初次接触就能和人搭上线。如果你不是，而且需要更多时间来展示你自己，那就接受这个事实。如果碰到一个你希望继续交往的人，利用这段时间思考你能怎么帮助他或者让他们的生活更棒，哪怕只是一小方面。总是关心别人生活中发生了什么。
If you’re an introvert, you probably pride yourself on your observation and listening skills. Don’t stop prioritizing these skills. Many fail to really listen to and notice those around them, so an observant person who actually listens is rare and valued.
如果你是个内向的人，也许你以自己的观察力和倾听的技巧为荣。不要停止使用这些技巧。许多人不能很好地倾听和注意到周围的人，所以一个善于观察而且乐于倾听的人是很难得和很被尊重的。
There’s an easy way to super-charge this quality: Take notes after important conversations, making sure to jot down any details that are clearly important to the other person.
This is immensely valuable. Because so few people take the time to do it, you can really set yourself apart. How would you feel if tomorrow you opened up your phone and a message was waiting from someone you just met wishing you well on your upcoming presentation? Or how about sending a personalized get-well-soon message for an elderly neighbor who’s in the hospital?
有一个办法可以更好地利用这一优势：在重要的对话后记下笔记，确保记下了所有对他人重要的细节。 这很有价值。因为极少人会花时间这么做，你可以很快和别人去分开。如果你明天打开手机看到一个刚碰到的人祝你明天演讲顺利，你会怎么想？或者是为住院的老邻居发一个“早日康复”的祝福?
Compliment people’s growth
赞扬别人的成长
My Spanish was terrible when I first moved to Spain. A year or so after I settled in here, I ran into one of my first Spanish teachers and he exclaimed delightedly about how much I had improved.
I liked the guy to start. But after this? I loved him.
我刚到西班牙的时候我的西班牙语糟糕透了。一年之后，我偶尔碰到了我的最早的一个西班牙语老师，他非常高兴地告诉我我的西班牙语提高了好多。 我一开始只是喜欢这个人。这件事以后？我简直爱他。
As much as we hear that people don’t change, they do. Not everyone takes the time to notice and acknowledge the ways in which people grow and improve. This doesn’t have to be complicated. If your friend gets a haircut, compliment him. If someone you know is close to reaching a milestone, set yourself a reminder to be the first to congratulate them when they hit it.
虽然我们常说人是不会变的，其实他们会。不是每个人都能花时间注意到别人是怎么成长和提高的。这其实并不复杂。如果你的朋友理发了，夸奖他。如果你知道某个人快要达成一项成就，给自己设个提醒在第一时间祝贺他。
Again, none of this advice is particularly complicated: Smile, hold doors, and thank people for what they do and who they are. Master following-up thoughtfully and take an interest in what’s happening in the lives of the people around you, noticing how they grow and change. Listen, watch, notice — and praise. These are all small actions, but they can help you feel good about yourself and have stronger relationships with others.
是的，没有哪个建议是特别复杂的：微笑，帮人开门，为他人做得事情感谢他。体贴地和人接触，注意到身边人生活中发生的事情。倾听，观察，留心-然后赞扬。这些都是细小的行为，但他们可以让你对自己感觉更好，而且和他人建立更好的关系。
Unless I wake up tomorrow looking like Brad Pitt, most heads won’t turn when I walk into a room. I’ll never be the life of the party. But that’s OK. It’s not my style.
Instead, I play the long game. And I let the compounding beauty of kindness do the work for me.
除非我明早起来变得像布拉德皮特，否则大部分人不会在我走进一个房间的时候注意到我。我也不会成为聚会的中心。但这没什么问题。这本来也不是我的风格。 相反的，我玩的是一个更长期的游戏。我会让善良带来的复利效应为我服务。
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